a four year old poem from a past love

a smile consumes me recalling the day we shared

laughing as walked hand in hand through the falling leaves.

the water, mimicking our emotions of a calm surface feeling,

swirling in my head and creating waves of interest

as the sunset played on the clear current, dancing.

the wind blowing back my hair and cooling my nerves...

what could your thoughts have been?

did you too smell the roses as a new sensuous aroma?

were you breathing in something pure and fragile,

teetering on the edge of the future?

and did the trees speak to you the way they told me

to for just this once let the breeze just carry us away?

Or did you hear something different?

taking you to the pit

after all this time ive let pass
a constant tiptoe on cracked glass
walking on the grass to cover my tracks
shoulda known itd never last

i hear so many voices
how do i even decifer my choices
blending only to create noises
not knowing what a man or a boy is

so sorry i brought u so far
to walk away with these scars
leaving you falling stars
so you dont know who you are

it was never really for me
to live within your fantasy
i wont watch you be
something you dont see or agree

free? you were never tied down
coulda clipped ur wings around
pinned you to the ground
and no one would have found

but it wasnt in my heart
its hard to be apart
but more and more i start
to realize this was smart

hope falling short

so this is hard...
the painful realization
that its beyond repair
theres an emptiness falling
unable to cease
except in your eyes...
your hollow overwhelming eyes
the secret lies there
but you wont confess
to the deceit youve left unquestionable
is it true?
shall i turn now before
your mask is stripped by others
maybe ill stay in denial
just to avoid the pain again
the old familiar smell of defeat
basking in its glory that i was given hope yet again
hope always falls short to my heart.

bitter pills

ts getting harder to swallow
these pills of wasted time
i down another bottle to coincide
trying to drown out thoughts
they come way to erratic anymore
i cant decide which ones are here to better me
so i shut all of them out
can you lend me your eyes
so that i might see
what is blindly laid before me
i thought with time i could get better
i thought with distance i would become whole again
but in the end its left me nothing
nothing but the happiness to be free
roam the earth and dodge other men
playing games not with them but really with myself
i hate the plot that i have chosen
i want it to end like a fairy tale

frost

faded colors paint the trees
with the familiar smell of winter frost
a brief reminder that change is sudden
it might be hidden but never lost

digging under the frozen dirt
searching deeper until i find
your escaped picture once more
thats been embedded in my mind

so i come to you with momentos
hoping that you can patch this hole
maybe you know a few answers
something that will heal my soul

winds blowing in at higher speed
i feel the temperature dropping still
now facing the reality that what was buried
has been coded and always will

post card

you don't talk to me anymore
so i'll send you a post card.
write down all the things you've missed
and sign it with a heart.

you don't see me anymore
so i'll send you a polaroid.
taken in the latest fashion and makeup
and sign it with a void.

you don't hear me anymore
so i'll send you a personal song.
record all of my emotions and words for you
and sign it with a wrong.

you don't know me anymore
so i'll send you nothing to reply.
i gave you all the chances in the world
so now i will sign it with a good-bye.

23 this no guarantee

the flight was inevitable

every chrysalis breaks through

i just wish i could have held on longer

for one more moment with you

my nightstand clock flashes

but i cant stop the phased moon

the stars beat in a rhythm

my wish ran away with the spoon

new smells mingle with old

ive replaced grasp with self doubt

my ears are my new instrument

searching as a sponged scout 

distance has replaced time

lyrics summon me to the stage

its time to break down the set

let's begin a new page.

stump

falling leaves...

time to shed the comfortable green

wilted petals fall from a distance

i held them all up so high

but they broke when seasons changed

turning colors just like tides

giving tree

do you not miss me?

i gave you everything i could

so much that i have nothing left to give....

but a stump.

august came and i waited.

the silence before the change.

i miss your angst but most of all

i miss the way we both smile.

callused hands reach
shaking.
another foolproof plan falls
short.
gravity grasps the heart
seizing.
emergency exit hit
abort.

make the water works
alone.
i cut the salt out:
trite.
beaming words from outer
sources
life structures on what is
polite.