the truth

if this sounds familiar, i took the points of the song "the truth" by staind and rewrote them for me....

it's 3 am and i can't sleep/but i don't care tonight

i've blinking back the tears/that seem to numb the silent fight

every time you try to speak/i only hear one phrase a loud 

and i can't turn the other cheek/you can't help how it comes out

so when did you decide /to burn the bridges and lie

cuz that's not what got us here

and honestly, i don't know how you couldn't see/exactly what you meant to me

suppose i was just another to clear

it's 8 am and still no sleep/as i stare across the room

though your body lays beside me/i can predict your every move

cuz everytime i try to speak/nothing ever seems to come out

this time i won't turn the other cheek/so i leave without a sound

so when did you decide /to burn the bridges and lie

cuz that's not what got us here

and honestly, i don't know how you couldn't see/exactly what you meant to me

suppose you never were sincere...

....

enough to ever wonder why/i told you secrets of what she'd try

your true dedication shows/ you walked out and left us closed

and all the promises you made to me/they seem to fade with your innocent memory

leaving me with ego blows/ a disappointment these words can't show

when this game of lust is over/will you regret what you could have had

will you remember our last moment/ and everything that i said...

...

so when did you decide /to burn the bridges and lie

cuz that's not what got us here

and honestly, i don't know how you couldn't see/exactly what you meant to me

but ill turn my back in tears...

running far is better than fast...

i guess i shouldn't be surprised

its just like you to bring me this far out

leading me to believe we're setting sail together

really, you just didn't want anyone to hear me scream

when you left..

 

but can you really be gone 

when you were always transparent in some way

your skin, pasted white even as i reach out

just to make sure your blood hasn't frozen over

from your cold heart...

you could be the jellyfish in my sea

as the sharks frenzy around me

and just in case, you felt you were a little to late

just shock me slowly and discretely... 

no one will see...

the thing is though, this time the jokes on you

your tentacles numb me into a moment

where i cant even feel my good-bye i'm now bracing

tears stunned in place as if the show was on mute

because words release truth...

and i want so badly to turn around

to embrace my heart to you even if its to your drive

but to give in again once more to a single rendezvous

would be cheating my instincts and my direction

no more spinning...

god, i never wanted to let you go

can't you see what you have done to me

pulling me off the shelf like a tainted doll for your pleasure

seducing me into believing i was your childhood joy forever

your innocent velveteen....

how do you cope after you finally see clear

pointing out my clarity only ricochets off stubborn brick

so i am left to count days until i can escape from this town

because your grasp extends passed the physical state

running far is better than fast...

i saw you today

in the mirror

after she said your name

it became too clear

why do you haunt me

why do you call my name

cant you just die out

im tired of the blame

for letting you live

for letting you be a part of me

i tried so hard

tried so hard to make you see

but its never enough

never enough to completely be

open to you and me

and all the confusion

with reality

....

there's an emptiness in me

and it's aching to reach the end of this bottle

the cap; closure

but if the bottle is empty the cap is irrelevant

so ill drink until i can't spill anything out

devouring spirits like yourself and souls

your mouth; purgatory 

because hell seems more possible when you're around

so cheers to you 

and your new nightly crew

now i know its true

we never were through

.... because you never hit start.....

hope your stopwatch saves you

timing was always an invisible slate to you

pain; clear ink

as i write letters to you that will never be received

Is there a reason why for anything

if you only see a view of your own

biast; deaf ears

a point you take from me is a point you try to take off my self esteem

i hate everything you say

ive tried so hard to walk away

but you always find one more way

to extend your broken stay

.... lies to believe in cinderella....

these are words of the last few months... please enjoy

I think its clear now.

its time for me to drastically change again.

shed some friends, some pounds, some habits. 

I am scared but determined i am ready to grow.

An empty bottle only suppresses the pain

i'm ready to step back to create a gain

so cheers to life and the feeling i tame

ill swallow the salt if it will make me sane.

...... because my heart is only a game...

if someone had told me back then

that i could no longer call you a friend 

or a year from now i couldn't say where or how you've been

after all, who really expected this to end?

The silence speaks so loud. 

its obvious its time to go.

there so much i regret to leave

but there's so much more you didn't know.

There's a subtlety in my distance

if you noticed you could stop a train wreck

but i see my answer in between the lines

there's a unresolved emotion i will run from...

to the sun...

to the shore...

to a place i have never been before..

and when i get there i'll only run more

from any excuse i had blindly stored...

one day you'll miss me  but i will be gone...sooooo very gone.

i wrote this now

one day youll look back 

and realize you made the biggest mistake

and ill look back and see mine was you

so quick to turn me inside out for another

i guess i was too blind to not see reality through

but of all the things you ever really said

to cut me down and tear me apart

its the silence that cuts the deepest nerve

leaving me to track footsteps in the dark

if my heart was only a nametag

i could rip it off and slap it on your back n walk away

so impulsive and painful by such a quick action

kind of how you left me this way....

lets just fill with poetry ... drunk poetry...

I miss you all so much, but i was living a comfortable lie....

I had to learn the hard way who you really are..

giving you everything i have was never enough

you dont need to ask why cuz you already know whos to blame

and you were right from the start...

it took everything you have but you finally broke my...

thought i saw your light on late

much too late to save me

but i turned my light on

hoping you would finally see

there you come knocking at my door

with the same excuses you had before

but honey, this time, get your bags off my floor

cuz i have long been retreated from this war.